Cranberry "Pie"

I don't think that there is much to be said about my love of all things pie. I love pie. I love desserts. I love pie. So so much.

Pie is easy once you know what you're doing, and the real variation comes in for the filling. I mean, the perfect pie crust needs no variation... other than how many I make in a week. Except, when I discovered this pie that wasn't really a pie at all. Because, well, no crust. At all.

If you like cranberries you'll love this pie. It's more like a cobbler, but since you can slice is I guess that's why it's considered a pie.

You'll Need:

Softened Butter, For Greasing
2 cups (heaping) Cranberries
¾ cups Pecans, Chopped (measure, Then Chop) (or just use less because I bought pre-chopped)
⅔ cups Sugar
1 cup Flour
1 cup Sugar
1 stick Unsalted Butter, melted
2 whole Eggs, Lightly Beaten
1 teaspoon Pure Almond Extract
¼ teaspoons Salt
1 Tablespoon Sugar For Sprinkling

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees

Start by buttering a standard size cake pan. Please use butter, not any sort of spray thing. You're cooking here, not being lazy. Butter the pan. Next you'll add the cranberries and smooth them out so they are in a single layer on the bottom. Oh, I forgot to mention something, this is the easiest pie/whatever you'll ever make. It tastes wonderful though, so people will think you're awesome.

Next, add the nuts. If you don't like nuts don't worry, you can't taste them really. Pecans are pretty good as far as nuts go. I really only like peanuts and pecans. Or candied walnuts. But not regular walnuts.

 This is where if I was one of those annoying bloggers who had music accompanying their sup par writing you'd be hearing "pour some sugar on me! In the name of love..." however I am not annoying and just write the words letting your inner voice sing it to you. You're welcome. Here you use the 2/3 cups of sugar, pour it on and you can shake it down or not, just try to get it everywhere.

 Time for the top part. Combine flour, 1 cup of sugar, melted butter, eggs, almond extract, and salt. Stir gently to combine.

 Pour it over the filling and smooth it out.

yup, that's my marching band sweatshirt. be jealous

Next you can either sprinkle it with the remaining sugar like I did or follow the directions and wait till there are only five minutes of cooking left  to do it. Either way finish it off with the sugar.

 Bake it for 45 to 50 minutes

Or until it looks like this! Hello lover, get in my mouth!

Eat this with nothing, whipped cream, ice cream, or whatever you think would be good. I suggest if you're bringing it to a family event hoard your can of boozy whipped cream and smother it. Boozy whipped cream is from heaven.

Merry Christmas!

Apple Pie

Apple Pie. Love. A good book. Lazy Sundays. What do all of these things have in common? They are the best things ever, that's what. And I am going to show you how to make one of them.

Start with the dry ingredients put them all in a bowl.

¾ cups All-purpose Flour

1 cup White Sugar

1 cup Brown Sugar

2 teaspoons Cinnamon

Stir them up. This recipe is actually easier than another (note, the only other) pie I've made because it doesn't require an egg. Adding an egg to anything will make it more doughy (?). It'll give it the consistency of custard. Because apples are really juicy you don't actually need an egg or any other liquid whatsoever.

Next cut up your apples. The recipe I used called for 6 cups, I figured 7 small apples would do it, and I was totally right. This large measuring bowl is perfect for measuring large amounts of things you can't use a small cup for. My sister uses it when she mashes bananas for banana bread. It has a spout and a handle and it's plastic and huge. So, 6 cups of apples.

Most of the time people will tell you to use granny smith apples for pie, I am not most people. I used Macintosh because I wanted it to be delicious and they were on sale. I'm not a fan of granny smith, she shanked my granny Potter in the jail yard... kidding. But I don't like GSmith apples.

Once cut mix the apples with the sugar mixture and get them completely covered. Sugar does weird stuff to fruit. That jelly like substance that falls out of pie and makes your heart warm is the result of the chemical reaction between fruit and sugar.

TIP:Sugar also tenderizes meat, so if you use a tablespoon or so in a marinade it'll not only be flavorful, but totally tender.
Do this part with a wooden spoon, wooden spoons are fun and you don't have to get your hands dirty. I'm all for getting your hands dirty, but sticky is another thing. I don't like sticky.

Time to use your frozen pie crust. If you left it in the freezer for more than an hour then it'll probably need to thaw a bit before you can roll it out. If you flower your cutting board and rolling pin (note: I've used a large cup when I forgot my pin) it'll be easy. I only floured my pin. I'm an idiot. Don't be like me.

Roll it out slightly larger than your pie pan and put it in.

If you sprinkle a bit of flower on the bottom of your crust before you put the filling in it'll prevent the bottom crust from getting all sorts of soggy. No one likes soggy crust. Here is where I actually messed up. After you put the filling in the pie (I had about a cereal bowl full of left over, my pie pan is small, save at least a little of the sugary stuff for later, eat the rest) you need to put little squares of butter on it. 2 tablespoons is what the recipe called for, and I didn't measure till I was done but that's exactly what I used.

I accidentally put the top crust on first and had to peel it away. Sorry. I'm not perfect.

After the butter put the top crust on and squeeze the edges of the two crusts together with your fingers.

Use A sharp knife to cut slits in the top crust for steam to escape. This will make the inside so delicious you'll have to fight yourself to not eat it the second it comes out of the oven. It doesn't have to be intricate, I was feeling cute. I was thinking of doing a swirling design, but I decided not to be a tool and did it regular like.

Some recipes say you shouled coat the crust with milk or an egg wash at this point but I didn't and I wouldn't either. However, the part that you do need to do is sprinkle the left over sugar cinnamon mix over the top. Not too much, but just enough to sort of melt and glaze.

If you're a good chef you've already preheated the oven to 375°, if you're me you haven't. But this will give you plenty of time to make a foil crust protector. I also forgot this step but it's easy. Cut a piece of foil that is as long as the circumference of your pie pan plus two inches (2πr+2)... haha, kidding. You don't have to do it exact. However, make sure it goes all the way around and fold it till it's about an inch and a half wide. Wrap it all the way around the pie and hook it to protect the crust from burning while it cooks. It's supposed to cook for 45-55 minutes, but I told you mine was a small pan and I have an oven with a mind of it's own so it only took me 35 minutes. If you remember to put the foil proctor on pull it off when there is about 20 minutes left (more than half way through if you end up cooking for less time like I did) and let it cook the rest of the way uncovered.

You'll know it's done when your tongue is literally dragging on the floor behind you to check on it because of the intensely seductive aroma.

pie crust

Making pie crust is so simple. It just makes sense to know how to make it. The Pioneer Woman is a wealth of knowledge, and it's her pie crust recipe that adorns my pies (all 2 that I've ever made, but I'll be honest, they were both beautiful and delicious beyond measure.) and my chicken pot pies.


This recipe is simple:
1.5 cups Shortening (Crisco)
3 cups of flower
1 egg
5 tbsp cold water
1 tbsp vinegar
1 tsp salt

It makes 3 pie crusts, and since no pie ever needs 3 you can freeze the rest till you need them.

Start by cutting the shortening into the flour. I'll be frank and say I can't find my pastry cutter, no idea how i misplace it, but whatever. I used a potato masher. I actually hound that I liked using it better, sshhh don't tell anyone.

 Whisk and egg and mix in the water and vinegar. The original recipe called for white vinegar, but I don't like the way white vinegar smells so I never use it. I use apple cider vinegar instead, for everything that calls for it.

And I don't care if you think that's weird. It's not. It's my kitchen. Your name isn't Potter.

If it is we should meet. I'd like that.

I have a crush on these Pyrex dishes. I use them for everything. I am not a chef, I don't pretend to be. I do however understand the concept of love and this is it. You can make portions of dishes and bake them separately, when I make chicken pot pie I'll be making it in these, they are microwaveable, dishwasher safe and hold a surprisingly large amount of cheese. They really are wonderful.

After you add the egg and other wet stuff mix it with a wooden spoon because wooden spoons are so fun. It'll have become more doughy and flaky. Just make sure you get all the flour from the bottom of the bowl.

Once you get it all mixed and perfect separate it into 3 portions.You need to freeze it for at least 30 minutes before you use it to make sure that when you bake it it's really flaky. Put the portions in bags and flatten them with  a rolling pin, a cup, or just smash them with your hands.

I'll be posting apple pie and how to make it as well as chicken pot pie and how to make that sometime later this week. Crust is the hardest part, if you can do that you can do anything!

Ugh, Monday... At least there is pie in your future.