Apple Pie

Apple Pie. Love. A good book. Lazy Sundays. What do all of these things have in common? They are the best things ever, that's what. And I am going to show you how to make one of them.

Start with the dry ingredients put them all in a bowl.

¾ cups All-purpose Flour

1 cup White Sugar

1 cup Brown Sugar

2 teaspoons Cinnamon

Stir them up. This recipe is actually easier than another (note, the only other) pie I've made because it doesn't require an egg. Adding an egg to anything will make it more doughy (?). It'll give it the consistency of custard. Because apples are really juicy you don't actually need an egg or any other liquid whatsoever.

Next cut up your apples. The recipe I used called for 6 cups, I figured 7 small apples would do it, and I was totally right. This large measuring bowl is perfect for measuring large amounts of things you can't use a small cup for. My sister uses it when she mashes bananas for banana bread. It has a spout and a handle and it's plastic and huge. So, 6 cups of apples.

Most of the time people will tell you to use granny smith apples for pie, I am not most people. I used Macintosh because I wanted it to be delicious and they were on sale. I'm not a fan of granny smith, she shanked my granny Potter in the jail yard... kidding. But I don't like GSmith apples.

Once cut mix the apples with the sugar mixture and get them completely covered. Sugar does weird stuff to fruit. That jelly like substance that falls out of pie and makes your heart warm is the result of the chemical reaction between fruit and sugar.

TIP:Sugar also tenderizes meat, so if you use a tablespoon or so in a marinade it'll not only be flavorful, but totally tender.
Do this part with a wooden spoon, wooden spoons are fun and you don't have to get your hands dirty. I'm all for getting your hands dirty, but sticky is another thing. I don't like sticky.

Time to use your frozen pie crust. If you left it in the freezer for more than an hour then it'll probably need to thaw a bit before you can roll it out. If you flower your cutting board and rolling pin (note: I've used a large cup when I forgot my pin) it'll be easy. I only floured my pin. I'm an idiot. Don't be like me.

Roll it out slightly larger than your pie pan and put it in.

If you sprinkle a bit of flower on the bottom of your crust before you put the filling in it'll prevent the bottom crust from getting all sorts of soggy. No one likes soggy crust. Here is where I actually messed up. After you put the filling in the pie (I had about a cereal bowl full of left over, my pie pan is small, save at least a little of the sugary stuff for later, eat the rest) you need to put little squares of butter on it. 2 tablespoons is what the recipe called for, and I didn't measure till I was done but that's exactly what I used.

I accidentally put the top crust on first and had to peel it away. Sorry. I'm not perfect.

After the butter put the top crust on and squeeze the edges of the two crusts together with your fingers.

Use A sharp knife to cut slits in the top crust for steam to escape. This will make the inside so delicious you'll have to fight yourself to not eat it the second it comes out of the oven. It doesn't have to be intricate, I was feeling cute. I was thinking of doing a swirling design, but I decided not to be a tool and did it regular like.

Some recipes say you shouled coat the crust with milk or an egg wash at this point but I didn't and I wouldn't either. However, the part that you do need to do is sprinkle the left over sugar cinnamon mix over the top. Not too much, but just enough to sort of melt and glaze.

If you're a good chef you've already preheated the oven to 375°, if you're me you haven't. But this will give you plenty of time to make a foil crust protector. I also forgot this step but it's easy. Cut a piece of foil that is as long as the circumference of your pie pan plus two inches (2πr+2)... haha, kidding. You don't have to do it exact. However, make sure it goes all the way around and fold it till it's about an inch and a half wide. Wrap it all the way around the pie and hook it to protect the crust from burning while it cooks. It's supposed to cook for 45-55 minutes, but I told you mine was a small pan and I have an oven with a mind of it's own so it only took me 35 minutes. If you remember to put the foil proctor on pull it off when there is about 20 minutes left (more than half way through if you end up cooking for less time like I did) and let it cook the rest of the way uncovered.

You'll know it's done when your tongue is literally dragging on the floor behind you to check on it because of the intensely seductive aroma.